I Did It!

29 10 2009

One of my favorite things about Azita and all little humans really is that the littlest things are such great achievements for them, and they know it. Not only do they recognize this, but they are not afraid to toot their own horn.

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Or wave their drum around in the air. Look at that face. There’s no doubt about it. She did something great, and she wants the world to know it.


Baby Fascinator

28 10 2009

I can’t even tell you how much I want this adorable gem from the GalsWithGirls Shop on Etsy. Azita will one day either love me or hate me for this if I actually go through with it.

Wondering About the Wonder Years

28 10 2009

Years ago I clicked through on an email from Classmates.com and out of curiosity I signed up for an account. Since then I receive an email just about every day with updates on my former classmates. They write notes, they upload pictures, they post new events, they update their bios. They do lots of things, and I get emails letting me know that I can login to Classmates.com and see what’s going on.  Here’s the thing. I have no idea who most of these people are.

I was not exactly a popular person in high school, and it went beyond being a member of the freaks and geeks. I was so beyond freak or geek that even they didn’t really accept me into their crew. As a very young child I was painfully shy, and I wasn’t much better as a teenager. So I hung out alone, and I phoned it in. I really just wanted to get out of high school and get started with college already, so much so that I registered for the summer session and got started with my first couple college classes a good month before I graduated from high school. You can’t be more eager to leave a place than that.

I’m not saying I had no friends. I just had very few, and I’m not in touch with any of them now. But hey, life goes on, and I can’t say I have any deep regrets over my high school experience. In spite of this I can’t help sometimes seeing these emails and wondering what my life would be like if I was popular or if I did make friends that I’m still friendly with today. If I wasn’t such a geeky loner, maybe I’d know how to work the system a little better now and make more money. And maybe I’d have more friends as an adult. On the other hand, I probably would be so…well let’s just say I probably wouldn’t be such an “individual.” After so many years I’ve kind of grown to like my “individuality.”

Really, no regrets, but I was always a sucker for those Choose Your Own Adventure books and I do have a very geeky obsession with the time-space continuum. So I wonder almost obsessively at times how the different decisions and actions we make in our lives ultimately affect the outcome.

I think what I mostly wonder about however is what Azita’s high school experience will turn out to be. I know she’s not even a year old, and I’m already thinking about her teenage years. This is the point where Roger usually rolls his eyes at me, but I swear I’m not worrying or being compulsive in any way. I’m just being curious. Will she be a nerd like me? A cool kid like her baba? A jock? A theater geek? Maybe she will defy categorization.

I don’t know, and I don’t know if I wish for any of the above. When I think about Azita in high school, I hope she has a different experience than mine. I hope she’s well-liked, but doesn’t feel or give in to the pressure to be popular. I hope she can enjoy high school and make some life-long friends but continues to form lasting friendships afterwards. I hope that those years are just the launching point for a wonderful life and not the high point. I hope that she learns to love learning but that she also picks up the skills to be comfortable in social situations. I hope so many things, but most of all I hope that when she reaches the ripe old age of her maman she can look back on her youth with fondness but so very glad to be exactly where she is.

Cold, Friday Nights with a Newborn

24 10 2009

Azita was born just when winter started to turn frigid. The day she came home from the hospital was also our first snow of the season. In the first couple days together as a family in our home, life was so cozy. We were snuggling inside, bundled up in blankets while the wind whistled and swirled the snow and sleet around the treetops outside our window. It may be the most comfortable I’ve ever been. But, I’ve never been one to sit at home for very long, and neither is Azita it turns out. She soon became fussy unless I took her out for a walk, and I was pretty grumpy unless I had the same. The issue of course was that it was way too cold outside for a newborn, even one swaddled in several layers of fleece. This is how the habit started.

When Roger would come home from work, we’d bundle up and head out to Target where we would walk up and down the aisles. It was missing the ambience of the outdoors, but it was warm and bright. On Friday nights, we’d venture out to the mall where we had more indoors to walk.

I still remember the first Friday night. Azita was 2 weeks old. It was snowing outside. The mall was nearly empty. Nearly. It seems that the only other people there with us were new parents just like us. I was still in that stage of motherhood where I was constantly scared. Scared that I would mess up and somehow hurt her or worse. Leaving the house was an exercise in facing my fear, but I really couldn’t stand to stay in the house for another minute longer. So, I got out and faced it. It was there at the mall that I realized the world is not the scary place that it seems for the first-time mother of a newborn. There were others there just like me, and this put me at ease.

I know it’s cheesy, but I came to love the mall. I came to love walking about indoors on a cold, inclement night. I still love it, and I think Roger does to. We call it our Friday night date. After dinner, we head out to Target, grab a Venti coffee, and walk up and down the aisles. We talk about the past day, the past week, the next year, the rest of our lives, while Azita sleeps in her sling. It’s completely boring to most, but to me it’s cozy and safe. It takes me back to those first nights when I was gaining my footing as a mother. When life seemed like an adventure, and the future was wide open. And it reminds me that thanks to Azita, this will always be true.

5 O’Clock at the Oasis

23 10 2009

I’ve never been much of a sleeping-in type, but I do like to get an extra hour of sleep in the mornings whenever I can. If I’m really feeling lazy, I might even sleep until 8:30am on the weekends. Decadent, I know. Try not to judge.

Until recently, this has been fine with Azita. She didn’t seem to be much of a morning person. I mean once she wakes up, she wakes up with a bang. There’s usually a shriek and some wall-climbing involved, and occasionally there’s some rolling around and attempts at hurling herself off the bed. It’s just that getting to that point used to take a little while and lots of grumbling. She still hates that moment when the lights go on after we wake up. This morning, she sat straight up, squinted her eyes at the light, let out a somewhat screechy whine, and bent over so her face was buried in the mattress. Two seconds later she was lounging on her baba’s lap batting her eyelashes at me from across the room.

Really, she can go from whiny to adorable in 2 seconds flat. But I digress. The point of all this is that Azita likes to sleep in a little usually, and we’ve been pretty happy about that. But this week she’s taken to starting the wake-up process at 5am. She kicks a little. Moves her head from side to side. Flops her body around. About half an hour later, she’s up and at it with her antics which, while cute, are frustratingly annoying when even the sun hasn’t woken up from it’s nightly slumber.

Now for the past 4 or 5 months, basically ever since she started letting anyone else other than me hold her for more than a few minutes, I’ve been taking an hour a day for myself to work out. Roger is so kind as to amuse Azita for that hour, and I do the same for him when I’m done. This time really is necessary, not just for our physical health but also for our mental well-being. And, it’s the only way we’re both going to finish melting away the baby poundage, which is also a necessity since we’re both vain (and it’s healthy and stuff). The issue is that 1) by the time we pick Azita up from daycare I’m so starved for some time with my baby that it takes some serious effort to pry myself away from her for that hour, and 2) by the time we both finish working out, feeding Azita, giving her a bath and so on, it’s about 9pm. And, we’re not really liking the eating of dinner at 9pm.

So, for months now I keep saying that I’m going to get back to my former, pre-baby habit of waking up at 5:30 in the morning to workout. Thus far it hasn’t happened. Until this week that is. It seems Azita has my best interests at heart, because it’s pretty easy to wake up at 5:30am when a baby is shrieking in your ear and playing pattycake with your face. Since she’s pretty determined once she’s set her mind to something, I’m pretty sure I’ll be in tip-top shape within the month.

Golden Slumbers

22 10 2009

I seriously could watch Azita sleep all night.  Her eyelashes seem impossibly long, creating a feathery shadow on her cheek. Her eyebrows furrow a little as if she is concentrating deeply. Her mouth opens ever so slightly in a dainty pout, which also puffs her cheeks out just enough to create the most beautiful curves and shadows on her face.  I haven’t seen many things that I find more beautiful. Don’t believe me?

I present Exhibit A:

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I mean, look at that mouth:

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And if you think her head is spectacular, check out her feet:

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Yup. I love her from her head to her toes.

Babywearing Woes

21 10 2009

As many people have probably guessed, given my penchant for Attachment Parenting, I am a big fan of babywearing. Since Azita’s first day at home, she’s spent a lot of time in a sling. Thus far, I’ve relied on the Kangaroo Korner adjustable pouch. I could go on and on about how great this sling is, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that mothers ask me where I got it nearly every time I go out with Azita.

Well, as much as I love my sling it looks like it’s days are numbered. Azita is in a big hurry to walk. She actually took her first couple steps yesterday at daycare. And, when Azita wants to learn something, that’s all she wants to do. So, I now have a dilemma. I can’t seem to carry Azita in the sling any more unless she’s sleeping. When she’s awake, she pushes herself up to standing and starts thrashing her legs around in the sling in an attempt to practice walking. It’s definitely not a safe situation — doubly so considering my accident-proneness.

Now what? I’d say the Baby Bjorn is the solution, but I’ve tried Roger’s and it’s just not comfortable for me. I’ve tried the hip carry position with the Kangaroo Korner and a Scootababy carrier, and Azita just isn’t having it. She wants what she wants, and what she wants is to be facing her maman.

I’m debating buying a MeiTaiBaby carrier, but I’ve already spent so much money on slings — I have 3 Kangaroo Korners (one for any climate), a Scootababy, and Roger’s Baby Bjorn. I’m willing to spend more money though if I find something that works. I spend a lot of time walking everywhere with Azita — whether to the park or to the grocery store. Our little family has definitely embraced that aspect of the urban lifestyle, and we need a carrier to support it.

Any recommendations? Anyone use the MeiTaiBaby or another similar carrier and love it? Any suggestions are welcome.