Cold, Friday Nights with a Newborn

24 10 2009

Azita was born just when winter started to turn frigid. The day she came home from the hospital was also our first snow of the season. In the first couple days together as a family in our home, life was so cozy. We were snuggling inside, bundled up in blankets while the wind whistled and swirled the snow and sleet around the treetops outside our window. It may be the most comfortable I’ve ever been. But, I’ve never been one to sit at home for very long, and neither is Azita it turns out. She soon became fussy unless I took her out for a walk, and I was pretty grumpy unless I had the same. The issue of course was that it was way too cold outside for a newborn, even one swaddled in several layers of fleece. This is how the habit started.

When Roger would come home from work, we’d bundle up and head out to Target where we would walk up and down the aisles. It was missing the ambience of the outdoors, but it was warm and bright. On Friday nights, we’d venture out to the mall where we had more indoors to walk.

I still remember the first Friday night. Azita was 2 weeks old. It was snowing outside. The mall was nearly empty. Nearly. It seems that the only other people there with us were new parents just like us. I was still in that stage of motherhood where I was constantly scared. Scared that I would mess up and somehow hurt her or worse. Leaving the house was an exercise in facing my fear, but I really couldn’t stand to stay in the house for another minute longer. So, I got out and faced it. It was there at the mall that I realized the world is not the scary place that it seems for the first-time mother of a newborn. There were others there just like me, and this put me at ease.

I know it’s cheesy, but I came to love the mall. I came to love walking about indoors on a cold, inclement night. I still love it, and I think Roger does to. We call it our Friday night date. After dinner, we head out to Target, grab a Venti coffee, and walk up and down the aisles. We talk about the past day, the past week, the next year, the rest of our lives, while Azita sleeps in her sling. It’s completely boring to most, but to me it’s cozy and safe. It takes me back to those first nights when I was gaining my footing as a mother. When life seemed like an adventure, and the future was wide open. And it reminds me that thanks to Azita, this will always be true.

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